Fae-aby, You Can Drive My Car
by Max Rasgar
Summary: Ever wondered what happened between Bo and Vex from Dyson's gym/home to the Morrigan's office? (S4E5: 'Let The Dark Times Roll.')


Disclaimer: Look to Showcase, Prodigy Pictures and other like-minded conglomerates for ownership of the characters in this story, not me.

A/N: Once again if you've read the summary then we're ready to rock, but just so you know if you continue you'll be reading this from Vex's POV.

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><p><strong>=======|"Fae-aby, You Can Drive My Car"|=======<strong>

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><p>Maybe in my grand half-assed fashion the act of jamming some gauze on my oozing, aching stump of a wrist wasn't the best plan that I've ever concocted. But then again I have a pseudo chauffeur now and said driver-Bo seemed to be talking to herself more than me, even after I threw her the keys to my little red topless number. I know that things started off rather unorthodox between us, and that on several occasions I have made her stab herself and almost poke out her own eyes; both were a good laugh of sorts for me anyways. So given our colorful history and that I've lived with her for a while, it's no surprise that I've followed her back into Dyson's ridiculous excuse for a wolf den to collect my detached hand before we leave together.<p>

** "**Were you really 'hookering' Vex?" Bo asks and I would have to be dimmest bulb to ever shine to miss the amusement that tinged a question she already knows the answer to.

"What are you on about? You still having some aftershocks from what was in that syringe?"

Bo looks at me sternly and I watch her forehead wrinkle in all sorts of unflattering ways.

"The Scavenger told you, eh? Well luv, a man's gotta do what a man's gotta do to survive." I say finally answering her redundant question. "I'm not ashamed and neither were my clients if I do say so myself."

Bo's raised eyebrows amuse me greatly. She's always good for a laugh whether she knows it or not.

"Miss. Joy Buzzer dressed in Pepto Bismol told, well more like laughed about it Vex. She even added that you were going to give her your left-over 'feeds'."

"Yes well, I felt it was a generous offer." I retort while walking past the boxing ring. "Paying it forward if you like."

Bo mumbles something about Fae weirdness as I move past her. I still cannot believe that the woman hasn't accepted her own oddness that has everything to do with her Fae-ness.

I smirk and roll my eyes at the sign near the threshold of Dyson's air mattress bachelor pad for the ladies: "Please Respect Your Opponent At All Times.' What a load of bullocks, I wouldn't do it even with false platitudes attached. I turn away and move towards Bo, who is rummaging near the wash basins and the equally not-aging-well cabinets in this squatters palace. I wonder if Benji thought that this domicile would help him stay comfortably 'wooed' into Bo's tight pants. I bet she's the only girl that swoons at this sight.

Inhaling sharply I move towards the ring in the center of the room and almost dry heave. "I swear by all the poles Evony has ridden, it smells like a thousand pairs of testicles sweated in here just yesterday." I say through clenched teeth as a sharp pain resounds in my stump. "I mean how in the piss pot hell does Scooby-Doo stand it in here; it's almost like invisible wallpaper? On second thought dogs do enjoy sniffin' balls and assholes alike, and it's my understanding that no two are the same."

I can easily picture the delightful frown that has undoubtedly appeared on my companion's pretty face. "You really get off on calling Dyson a dog don't you?"

"Am I really that far off, Bo?" I reply with a chuckle and turn away from Dyson's manly-odor smelling ring of lame violence. Does he really not want a actual house with walls? Must be the animal in him that is just itching to eliminate that one remaining step to revert to his innate instincts for sleeping outdoors. I wonder over to the sink where Bo is searching through the drawers, the occasional squeal of stuck drawers that haven't seen lube since back when little Jesus H. was pulling wee Mary Mag's pigtails on a Sunday.

"This should work." Bo says and I turn around to see her holding out a large plastic bag.

"Tell me something my little suck face. Why exactly does Dyson have gallon-sized freezer bags when he doesn't even have a bloody freezer?"

"Is it like a weird sex thing between you two? Because even I wouldn't stoop to that level of kink."

Bo frowns, delightfully and I feel that I may have struck a nerve and that pleases me.

"Who knew Marmaduke was big on freezing things?"

"Funny." Bo says as she walks over towards Super Dog Man's mini-fridge on the other side of the room, which is supposed to be a kitchen perhaps?

"Made me laugh something fierce on the inside, both times, luv."

"Both times?"

"Yeah,I called your furry lover-boy that to his face not too long ago. " I reply snidely. "It was a toss-up between that moniker and Clifford. I went with my first choice on impulse."

The newly turned 'dark' love machine narrows her eyes at me before stomping past. I watch after her as while she zeroes in on the mini-fridge and on opening the door she bends down to inspect the contents of Dyson's tiny appliance.

"There's no ice here." Bo says as she rights herself while slamming the door on Dyson's mini-fridge. "I guess we'll have to stop and buy some on the way."

That should be good for a laugh too; taking a timely pause at a service station to buy ice for my severed limb.

"Hey, I just worked out why Dyson keeps doggy-bags; so that his treats stay crisp and chewy."

"Enough with the dog jokes Vex." Bo snarls at me which in turn makes me smile.

"I guess I'll have to fall back on my usual dick jokes then shall I?"

Bo frowns and walks over to the table where I left my hand. "Okay enough, we need to get going, so drop your hand in here." She orders as while holding open the gallon-sized freezer bag.

"Just grab it and throw it in there yourself; it doesn't bite, it can't anymore really."

"No, I already touched it once and I'm not doing it again. Besides its your hand Vex!"

"Alright fine, it's my hand and I will ignore the fact that it looks like the epitome of unclean with a unhealthy dash of some rampant Fae S.T.D of yet unclassified which was courtesy of those Una Mens bastards."

Moving over to Dyson's reclaimed butchers table; where I performed my surgery, I get a whiff of the rank potion I dabbled with. It has long since cooled and smells even worse, like rotten eggs with a dash of stout wet dog musk. Although the dank canine smell may just being coming from the showers were Dyson scrubs himself passable to human noses. Picking up my hand with two fingers I feel the coldness, but it's also oddly pliable so I fashion 'Ginger' to give anyone that looks at her the single finger salute.

"That's mature." Bo says as I place my hand in the freezer bag and then she promptly snaps it closed so that it stays fresh.

"Get over yourself. I know you're laughing on the inside, you're just too proud to succumb to my cleverness."

"Whatever Vex, let's go and remember we still have to stop for ice."

I follow along beside Bo as we leave the Balls-A-Plenty Squatters Inn of Fine Living. Pushing through the entry doors we emerge back into the parking garage off this rundown establishment and my saucy ride that I unveiled earlier is patiently waiting. But as Bo and I stroll together I can't help but notice that she is swaggering along regardless of the zipper bag complete with a severed appendage inside.

"You have more swish in your sway than I do." I say with a smirk. "And I'm quite proud of my feminine side."

"Stop!" Bo shouts and to my ears she sounds like a three-year-old who hasn't had her nap. "Just hurry up and get that sorry excuse for a pole-dancer's ass in the car."

"Careful luv. Even in my newly stunted state I can still make all manner of things 'get it up' with my good hand."

Bo's lips nearly roll up into a perfectly formed snarl before she goes around the rear of the car and slips into the passenger seat.

"Just so we're clear from here on out, you are the annoying brother that I never wanted but now have." She says as she shuts the passenger door none too gently.

I scoff and roll my eyes while pulling on the doors latch and I plop down into the driver's seat. In all honesty that suits me just fine. I've never really had any designs on Bo in terms of horizontal dancing. I just enjoy having a laugh at her and sometimes Dyson's expense when I suggested a three way. I meant what I said about sleeping with dogs and I know for a fact that Bo's well-endowed ego couldn't withstand the blow of someone not actually wanting to have it off with her. Case in point is that of her little doctor girlfriend stringing her along, still they both deserve each other in my humble opinion. That's another thing too; I'm still resolute in never wanting to hear or certainly not see the 'smash-up clam derby' reunion consummation.

"If you will be so kind as to put the key in the slot we can vacate this shit hole already."

Bo leans over and shoves the keys into the ignition roughly.

"I do hope for your future girlfriends sakes that you learn to not be so rough when you decide to put it in." I say as she turns the key and the car's engine turns over smartly.

"That's not funny and I'll have you know no one has complained yet."

"Yeah, yeah." I retort mildly disgusted as I let out the clutch. The rear tires bark on the floor of the parking garage as we get underway. I whip us around the few turns until we hit ground level and I hook a left onto the street at speed and a passing asshole honks at us.

"Cheers to you too mate!" I shout with a smile on my face, as my co-driver shifts to second and then third as we gain speed.

There's nothing like the feeling of the wind whipping through my hair, paired with the roar of a finely tuned in-line six cylinder. But under the sound of all that magnificence of my purring engine is a seething, brooding, bitchy succubus who is my co-pilot. When will she ever learn to make better decisions? It's no wonder that everyone plays her because she makes it so damned easy and whether she knows it or not; she's more selfish than I could ever hope to be. There is a difference between being selfish and being solely interested in self-preservation.

"Coordination, perhaps you've heard of it?" I say loudly while Bo grinds the gearshift a bit putting it up into third. "I thought your bright yellow rust bucket was a stick luv?"

"Vex, I don't really have a lot of practice changing gears from the passenger seat!"

I bet she has plenty of experience handling all sorts of things, even in moving vehicles or not. "Excuses, excuses. You know it's not that hard. I push it in, the clutch of course. While you grab that big stick and insert it into the proper gear."

"You really like making dick jokes don't you?"

I chuckle while I depress the clutch. "Somebody's got to do it. Now will you grab the shaft and slam it in fourth gear, we're not stopping for any impending the red lights."

Bo reaches over and pulls the gearshift down. The engine growls and we slide under the lights as they switch from yellow to that nasty shade of authoritarian red.

"Keep it up Bandit-Lead Foot and we'll have a Smokey on our tail."

I smile and continue to allow the car to accelerate well past the speed limit; no time like the present to live dangerously. Besides if a member of the bacon patrol were to think he was allowed to pull me over, I would be forced to show him just how wrong he is. 'I fought the law and made him do unspeakable things with his Taser to himself' could be an appropriate song or perhaps a memoir title.

"You should be thankful that I'm wearing my motorcycle boots and not my 'screw me good and hard twice' heels."

Bo scoffs and the sound brings another smile to my face. But as we zoom down the street, passing taxi's instead of the other way around things quiet down. I can feel my dear, difficult friend stewing in her pants again. I press down on the go pedal and we hit a dip in the pavement and I'm certain I just made Bo's ample cleavage test the limits of their constraints, but I get nothing for my efforts.

"So, to break up this chaffing silence." I start while glancing to the side at Bo. "Why are you so against being dark? Frankly, I think it suits you and fits tighter than a love glove on your favorite meat pole."

Bo frowns then brushes some of her blowing hair off her forehead. "If we're about to talk about something uncomfortable, I'm just going to keep quiet. I can do that."

I smirk because she can't really be silent for long. She is the Queen of loud obnoxious sex and the patron saint of tactless conversation. I really don't want the run down on her latest woes again, but someone who actually listens to me for once would be nice. I have to keep it fun though because annoying her will be the only highlight of this day; have to get my shits and giggles from somewhere. Removing one's hand is not a desirable ticket to fun town complete with unicorn stickers.

"As I told you before everything isn't always about you." I retort while gripping the steering wheel tight in my only hand. "First, 'Ginger' was broken and rendered dormant during the bloody Garuda mess, now I'm completely handless. You know it's a good thing that I enjoy giving myself a 'stranger' from time to time."

"What's a stranger?"

I snort. "Little miss love machine doesn't know what that is, really?"

Bo's quickly glances at me and frowns, which produces an unflattering cluster of lines to form on her forehead.

"You see some blokes use their dominant hand for when they need to take the edge off shall we say. And then there are some of us that are ambidextrous and use the other hand too. So a 'stranger' is when I use 'Fred' to milk St. Peter of its excess gravy."

Bo punches me on the shoulder and the car swerves."Owww!" I say loudly over the wind rushing by. Even with the pain Bo is just too much fun to play with the majority of the time, so I decide one more piss-up is in order. "It also keeps the shaft from curving to one side luv."

"Enough Vex, I don't want to hear about your junk anymore. I mean you do know that The Morrigan wants you dead or at least bound and gagged in her dungeon again."

"So, how is that different from any other day?"

"Can you be serious for at least a minute?"

It makes me laugh every time I succeed in getting her voice to creep up to a higher register from irritation. I have skills in that respect.

"Yes, I get it." I reply as seriously as I can manage, which isn't much. "And dear sweet Evony can lick my left testicle or the right I have no preference on the order really."

"I'm serious Vex!"

"So am I."

My favorite busty succubus huffs and fidgets in her seat. "Evony said that you pissed off the Una Mens, and hello a little explanation would be nice?"

Bo is by far the most stubborn bull-headed woman I've ever met in all my years, hence why I take my jollies from her when I can. And after being roommates with her I think it's a safe bet to say that Dyson has to be her obedient 'bottom' every time they merge naughty bits.

"What I did was save my ass luv and you can't fault me for that or weren't you paying attention earlier when I poured my heart out to your fine drugged ass. I'm the last Mesmer remember!"

"I heard you the first time. I haven't forgotten and I do care that you told me your story."

The sickly sweetness in her voice makes me want to vomit. "Good then, now pull that stick down and put us back into fourth will ya?" I reply while mashing in the clutch as we pass through the intersection, to dick with yellow traffic signals and Bo's subpar shifting skills.

My assistant leans back into her seat and I see that she's still looking at me. "Maybe Lauren can reattach your hand if you ask her?"

Suddenly I don't feel the need to contain my exasperation or the exaggerated eye roll that my passenger can't see right now. "You know that what I'm about to say will hit all the wrong buttons on your immensely overbearing helpful nature, but I recall telling you to stuff it about her. We're not girlfriends; just work the stick if you please...downshift!"

"Believe me I know, Vex." Bo retorts as she reaches over and shifts up into third. "You have too much facial hair to be one of my girlfriends. Although, you do wear more mascara than I do."

"What, I always thought Dyson was your bitch?" I retort with a smirk. "And don't be such a cold suck-face about the fact that my lashes look more fab than yours do."

I hear Bo grumble 'whatever' under her breath and speaking of fabulousness, an amusing half-pint pops into my head. "So how's Kenzi?"

"She's good." Bo answers quickly but then pauses and I recall all too well about the time that Bo was gone and I had true power. "We're getting better, back to as normal as we can be."

The engine roars and Bo reaches over, so I hit the clutch and she upshifts back into fourth and I swerve around a rather slow moving taxi. We're going to have to cut over on one of the side streets to find a service station if there is to be a 'Ginger' on ice.

"You know I was around and I saw the sparks between Kenz and Dyson." I say as I tap on the steering wheel while smirking. "And I bet she didn't hesitate to tell you about it after everything was squared away, and I also bet that you lashed out at your Bff, but what I'm wondering is if you gave lover-boy a similar dose?"

Can't say that her silence is something I didn't expect which tells me all I need to know. "My, my so you let wolf boy off without so much as a tap on the nose with a rolled up pamphlet on 'How To Trim Your Stubborn Beard', that wasn't very fair of you Bo."

"Stay out of it Vex."

"Whatever helps you get under someone else, luv." I retort, as a fuel station comes into view. "There's our first stop. I'll keep the car idling while you take care of getting the accessories for my baggie."

I pull in with a slight squeal of the tires and Bo hops out of the car. She predictably swaggers inside and comes back out less than a minute later, only to swish over to the ice chest and grab a bag, and then struts back over to the car. Silently she reaches down behind her seat and pulls out the freezer bag, then she opens it and dumps a handful of ice down my bag. Amusingly, my hand's middle pointer is still 'saluting' away which makes me chuckle. Hope Evony enjoys my last finger show.

"I can't believe I had to seduce a clerk for ice." Bo says as she throws the remaining ice, that didn't go into my hand-holding baggie, in the back seat and gets back in the car. I don't bother with telling her to put her seatbelt on.

"Really? Since when do you pay for anything but gas?" I retort as I mash in the clutch, while Bo reaches over to put the car into gear. "And my crashing at your house or Dyson's hostel didn't give it away that I've been living a little lean lately?"

"Sorry."

"It's alright." I say sullenly, as Bo shifts in synchronicity with me using the clutch. The car accelerates as if I were pushing it properly all by myself; almost as if I wasn't handless anymore.

The scenery changes and we emerge into a part of the city that's mostly under construction; new buildings sprouting up. Evony's offices start filling up the view ahead and on other occasions I hadn't noticed that it rather resembles a towering monument to erections, even though the bitch herself is quite the ball-buster.

"I'm going to engage the clutch luv and I would like for you to just leave it out of gear; we're gonna coast our respective arses on in from here."

Bo complies and leans back into her seat, the frustration that has been radiating off her I feel has hit a new level. I press down on the brake and my little red number rolls to a smooth stop. Looking over at my sulking rider I smile as I Mesmer that hand of her's that's resting on her forehead; ever so gently I glide her hand down her face, then towards her smooth neck and then across the tops of her peeking ladies, which are being pushed up and together by that fetching blue leather top.

"Vex!"

Laughing, I release Bo's wayward hand from my power. "Just making sure you're still awake seeing as how the ride is over."

"I can see that. I'm not stupid you know. I'm just...I'm tired and Lauren..."

"Well go on then." I interrupt before I'm subjected to more of her whining about her ex-girlfriend, again. "Run 'Ginger' up to Evony and I'll make myself scarce `round the corner until I hear from you."

Bo reaches behind the passenger seat and grabs the bag that has my severed hand on ice. I watch her eyes go wide for a second and then she pulls the latch on the door and gracefully steps out of the car; it rocks a bit from the force of her slamming the door...again. Wonder if I told her to try tad harder the next time, would she actually shut it like she wasn't trying to kill it. Really what has my car done to her, except unwillingly bear the brunt of her frustrations.

"You know, I should feel weird about carrying around your hand in a freezer bag but I don't."

"That goes to show just how undeniably special things are between us." I say with a smile and wink at Bo while mashing in the clutch and then reaching over with 'Fred' and I manage to nudge the gearshift into first.

**===|END|===**

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><p><span><strong>Soundtrack:<strong>** "I Will Survive" By Cake, "Ready To Die" by Andrew W.K.& "Rudie Can't Fail" by The Clash**

**Final Words:**** I really don't have anything to say for myself...except that I hope you enjoyed this.**


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